Over a year ago, I went to an art museum in Knoxville, Tennessee, with my mom and grandma. One of my grandmother’s friend’s sons (Richard Jolley) had a massive blown glass installment, so we went to see it in person. It was impressive.

After admiring the blown glass, we walked through the rest of the museum. There were a bunch of awe inspiring paintings. A few stretched from floor to ceiling with intricate details. Others seemed to morph as you moved closer or farther away from them. The talent displayed in that building was phenomenal.

**Marion Greenwood, The History of Tennessee, 1954-55, Oil on linen, Courtesy of the University of Tennessee, Knoxville**

Surprisingly, the flip side was also true. Right next to a painting of a young woman and her daughter which was full of gentle whimsy while still a clear image; was a simple white canvas with paint apparently inadvertently splashed across it. Of course, next to the splatter painting was an excessively garrulous elucidation of the painting and what it represented, written as an exhaustingly ostentatious, involuted, pronouncement. (See what I did there? And How exhausting that one sentence was to read? Imagine three massive paragraphs like that talking about paint splatters on a canvas and you’ll understand my point.)

All I could think was…the audacity!

It blew my mind that someone could set aside all of their responsibilities in life and focus entirely on painting for a year (information gathered from the description plaque), only to produce a work as simple and nonsensical as that, and then, instead of feeling like they wasted their time, think, “This is a masterpiece and it belongs in an art museum!”

But then it hit me… in a way… they were right. There it was, their “masterpiece” sitting in an art museum in the same room as paintings which required a type of talent, dedication, practice, and hard work that only the likes of Michelangelo could compare. Somehow, for some reason, the art world agrees that the splatter painting was in the same league as the rest.

I started to wonder if maybe it was me, not the artist, who was doing something wrong. Was I misunderstanding something about life which other people had grasped?

Maybe there was something I could learn from their audacity…?

A few days later I was relaying these sentiments to my friend Emily Havens and she said, “It sounds like you might be struggling with shame.”

I responded in confusion, “Shame? No, I don’t think so…I mean, I hardly ever get embarrassed by anything. Growing up with my dad (an incredibly embarrassing man in all the best ways) kind of worked that out of me.”

But then Emily explained that maybe I was misunderstanding what shame was and we decided to do a book study by Brené Brown on shame in order to dive deeper into the idea. (Brené Brown is today’s leading expert on shame.)

It turns out I was misunderstanding shame. Shame isn’t the same as embarrassment. Shame is the idea or belief that I am not worthy.

“Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.” -Brené Brown

Based on that definition, yes, I was struggling with shame.

My painting skills aren’t perfect so I’m not worthy to have people see my paintings. My writing skills aren’t perfect so I’m not worthy to have people read what I write. I’m not perfect so I’m not worthy of having God choose to use me to advance His purpose in the world.

My fear to share my art and my writing stemmed from shame, and it has held me back in many important avenues in my life. I am behind on my path to reaching my full potential because of my shame. My shame appears to have even held me back on my walk with God.

In order to receive God’s gift of salvation, we have to be aware of how much we fall short. No one asks for help if they think they can do it themselves. So, it stands to reason that we, who have acknowledged our shortcomings and asked God for help, may struggle with feeling unworthy after salvation as well. Honestly, it’d be weird if we didn’t.

I was looking at myself in the hypothetical mirror and seeing all of the ways I fell short of God’s holiness. All the sins I struggle with, all the mistakes I’ve made—both willful and accidental. How little I actually know about the Bible, compared to how much I could know if I was more dedicated in my studies. If God were to look at all of His children, lined up on a bench, I couldn’t see any reason why He would choose to put me “into the game”. It was illogical to think He would want to use me to further His purpose on this earth.

But, God foresaw this as a struggle we would face and addressed it in His Word. The Bible makes it clear that after salvation, we are meant to walk confidently in who we are in Christ. We are meant to set our shame, our unworthiness, aside and view ourselves the way God now views us, which is exactly how He views Jesus.

“There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (NLT)
“Since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory.” Romans 8:17 (NLT)
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37 (NIV)

“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39 (NIV)
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
“Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12 (NLT)
“He has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.” Colossians 1:13–14 (NLT)

It’s not about our abilities or worthiness, it has never been about that. It’s about Jesus’ abilities and worthiness.

God uses our lives to show how great He is. His power shines through our unworthiness. When I succeed, it is God succeeding, and my weakness makes that clear.

We are meant to act in faith in such a way that God will have to step in, in order for us to succeed. God gifts us with what we have and supplies what we lack.

For example, 2 Corinthians shows that when the Apostle Paul thought about getting prideful, God gave him a “thorn in the flesh” to reveal to Paul the truth of his weakness. Then God tells Paul that His grace is sufficient to cover Paul’s weaknesses.

2 Corinthians 12:6-10 (NIV) Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When God’s grace steps in for our weaknesses, it turns people’s heads towards God by showing them how awesome He is.

So, if our usefulness to God isn’t based on how awesome we can be, but is in fact based on how awesome Jesus is; and Jesus’s awesomeness shines even greater through us when we are weak, then God can use me just as I am right now, flaws and all.

It doesn’t make sense for me to waste time with shame. I am not being judged on my worthiness, but on Jesus’ worthiness. So, if I allow shame to hold me back, it is like saying, Jesus isn’t worthy or Jesus isn’t capable.

If we have faith in God’s Word and that God never lies and always keeps His promises, then shame has no place in our walks with Him.

It is by faith we are saved; and it is also by faith that we live our lives as useful tools in God’s hands. I have faith that I am worthy to be used by God, because Jesus succeeds where I fail. He overflows where I lack. Jesus makes me worthy.

I am worthy because I am in Jesus and Jesus is worthy.

Unfortunately, believing this truth and cultivating the ability to live it out are two very different things.

Shame can hold us back from learning and growing. Shame keeps people from trying new things, for fear of making mistakes and looking foolish. But no one is an expert when they first start learning something new. If we want to avoid being bad at something, then we can’t ever try anything new. It’s a crippling mentality and only serves to hold us back.

So, here’s one practical approach I’ve been using in order to re-focus my mind on living out the Biblical truth that Christ makes me worthy:

When I notice an inadequacy in myself, I force myself to add on a positive caveat. For example:

The first book I ever wrote and had published: “Perspective: A Dark Tale of Hope”. I also drew the cover design myself. I battle shame in regards to this book every time it is brought up.

“My painting is not perfect, but it is still beautiful and will bring people joy if I share it.”
“My writing isn’t perfect, but it can still get across the point I am trying to convey, and that is what really matters.”
“I am not perfect, but God loves me anyway.”

These positive additions prevent shame from forcing me to hide from the world. And the more I step out into the world to do what God has called me to do, in spite of my weaknesses, the more God will step in, keeping His promises by showing His strength through me. Furthermore, the more I experience God moving in my life, the stronger my faith grows.

God wants us to thrive through the grace He lavishes on us.

Ephesians 1:3-23 (ESV):

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.”

This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written by Amanda Hovseth.