Artist: Sue Perez
It is true that the church is the Body of Christ and that the body functions best when all members are meeting together and working together towards the goal of bringing glory to God. However, it is also vital to make sure that your own personal relationship with God is not dependent on any other human being. If every other Christian in your life were to disappear, your personal relationship with God should still have such a solid foundation that it stands strong on its own.
Just the other day, a friend and I were talking about a woman we know and care about. We were worried about her, and heartbroken for her, because it seems she has gone from one abusive relationship to another and continues to be a target for manipulative abusive men who promise her an amazing love story while starting out, but only end up giving her nightmares. And the rub is, every single one of these men were professing Christians who had upstanding reputations in Christian circles.
In our frustration, our initial reaction was to think, “It’s amazing that she continues to trust God and believe in God when these Christian men keep destroying her life.”
This touches on an unfortunate truth. Many Christians gauge their walks with God based off of their experiences with other Christians.
Some kids only believe in God while under their parents’ roof. As soon as they are off on their own, it becomes obvious that what seemed like a relationship between God and them was only a relationship between their parents and God. Other people start going to church because their boyfriend or girlfriend wants them to go but their connection to God always travels through that other person, instead of creating their own connection with Him. And when the human relationship falls apart, they throw God out with the rest of it.
Your relationship with God should be its own thing: a back and forth between only you and God. Otherwise when life gets hard and other Christians crumble under the pressure, you will crumble with them.
This may seem like a troubling and even daunting realization, but while I was sitting in church a few Sundays ago, I had an epiphany which caused me to see this from another perspective.
I have always been a hopeless romantic. I am a big fan of the friendship turned to love trope. I love the idea of finding someone who knows you completely and will be by your side through everything in life. But, I’ve started to wonder if a romantic relationship is even worth the cost. Because in my life, and in the lives of many of my friends, the cost has been immense.
Over the last few years many, not all, but many of the men in my life have “dropped the ball” in colossal ways. Now, I know that men aren’t the only ones destroying love in the world, but in my personal life, it has been a bit gender specific lately.
Here’s a quick summary of the bigger examples just so you can understand my emotional and logical journey at the time of my epiphany (note: all of these men are Christians).
My now ex-husband kept his bi-polar disorder a secret from me and became dangerously violent.
A close friend and father of four got arrested three times within a month for dealing meth.
Another close friend is on trial for rape accusations. I’ve since found out he used to abuse his ex-wife and has abused at least one other friend of mine while they were in a relationship. He targets vulnerable women and manipulates and abuses them.
Another friend had to leave her emotionally and physically abusive husband.
Another friend’s husband has now confessed to cheating on his wife multiple times.
Ravi Zacharias, my favorite apologist, apparently used his position to rape women.
Each of these men had life destroying secrets; a part of their identity which they kept behind closed doors and thought they could get away with.
My heart was hurting, not only because of the obvious damage they caused, but also because I had thought we were all working together to spread God’s Word. It felt as if they had not only abandoned the rest of the team, but had taken a bat and kneecapped everyone.
When stuff like this happens, people start asking the obvious question: “How can we still trust in God, when His people are doing such terrible things?”
And I couldn’t help but wonder… “Are they right? Are the actions of my brothers in Christ capable of destroying my relationship with God? Can they take my God away from me? If I get married again, and that man also turns out to be a monster, will I start to hate God? How many more blows can I take from people I had trusted, before I am so weakened and blinded by pain that I no longer trust God?”
Throughout my life God has been my rock, my one constant companion. Because of Him, I know I will see every loved one I lost and will loose who has put their faith in Christ, again. And even though God hates divorce, He held me tight in His arms every step of the way as I escaped my dangerous marriage. I can not, and do not want to imagine what it would be like to go through this life without God by my side.
Psalm 46:1-3 NIV God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Matthew 11:28-29 ESV Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Without God I would be empty: without purpose or hope. He is my everything, and everything good in my life comes from Him. Even the slightest chance that something could shake my faith enough to have me deciding to try life without God, had me terrified.
So, I was sitting in church that Sunday wrestling with my jaded heart, wondering if trying to date again was worth the potential cost, when God opened my eyes to this life altering truth:
I don’t have to let anyone influence my relationship with God, besides me and God. Only God and I have any say in our relationship.
If I get married again and that man decides to be an atheist. My personal relationship with God can still stand strong on its own. Even if every single Christian friend I have turns out to have a secret identity that gut-punches the Body of Christ, I can still choose to turn towards God for help and comfort instead of away from Him.
My relationship with God is its own separate relationship, it is not tied to any other relationship I have. My brothers and sisters in Christ are not God. Just because a human being has messed up, doesn’t mean God has messed up.
(Also see: “If God loves us why does He let bad things happen?”)
God is His own being and He is always faithful.
God even promises that when it comes to His side of the relationship, He will not falter.
Hebrews 13:5b NIV God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
No matter what other people do. They cannot take your relationship with God away from you. No matter what you go through, or how alone you feel, God will always be with you.
Romans 8:38-39 NIV For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Yes, it is tragic when people fall away from the church because they depended on the walks of other Christians instead of cultivating their own relationship with God. It can seem daunting knowing that each person has to form their own relationship with God. But just as we can’t rely on other Christians to create and maintain our relationship with God, we also don’t have to give them any power to damage it. The responsibility is ours, alone, the choices are ours, alone. And our place in God’s family is always secure because of the priceless sacrifice Christ made for us.
Romans 5:18 NLT Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. Romans 5:8 ESV But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Revelation 3:20 ESV Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”